Advent: To All Those Who Have Ever Felt Unlovable

There was a fight in the kids’ bedroom. Tempers were high and anger raged and the result was a bloody split lip. Not the first time in our house and certainly not the last.

I helped the bleeding child with a hug and a cold cloth. Then, I returned to clean up a few drops of blood in the bedroom and found the other sibling, crumpled in a corner, head down on her arms, quiet under the weight of shame.

I heard her little voice, “I shouldn’t have done that, Mom. I can’t believe I made her bleed. I’m so sorry.”

I replied, “Here, stand up, and let me give you a hug.”

But she didn’t move. She couldn’t even look at me.

"I can’t. I don’t deserve a hug, not after what I did."

I felt a pang in my chest. I know this feeling.

That feeling that deep down you don’t deserve to be loved. Whether it is something that you did, or had done to you, said or thought or how you look. Whatever it is - I think we have all felt that - either a fleeting moment or a prevailing theme in our lives.

You say to yourself, “If they only knew, if they ever found out… then they wouldn’t love me.”

It’s that driving force that pushes you to hide from others, to work to prove to others that you are worthwhile, to constantly hold up reasons why you should be loved. Or perhaps you believe that love has to be earned and you have worked tirelessly to earn it from others. But earned love can be unearned and it can be lost at any moment. There is no safety in earned love.

It is exhausting cycle and there is no rest.

If you believe that you are unlovable then you have to always be on your guard to make sure people don't see who you really are. You have to always hide something, be watching and monitoring your every move so that you are not found out.

Each of us has a pretty good stock on how we do not measure up. It would take no time for us to list all the things that are wrong with us, all the ways we have missed the mark.

And, now, in this holiday season the talk of love is every where. This is the week of love for Advent. But how do you enter into God's love when all you see is just how unlovable you are, how undeserving you are?

When I could see that my daughter was not going to stand up to be hugged, I knelt down next to her. I put my arms around her and whispered into her soft hair words that I have only learned from God,

“You are my kid and I will always love you, no matter how unworthy you feel of it. Nothing can change my love for you.”

As the words came out of my mouth, I realized that this is exactly what Jesus did. He knelt down, came to earth to lift humanity up because we could not do it ourselves. He spoke words of love over us even though we are so undeserving of his perfect hesed love.

In our need, in all the areas of your life deemed unlovable, God has come near.

When I spoke those words my daughter started to cry. Tears of shame and regret came pouring out and she grabbed hold of my body tight and hard. She was allowing herself to receive my love.

God's love has never had a thing to do with whether or not you were good enough. His love is not fragile. It has everything to do with the truth that you are His child and nothing can change that.

You might see yourself as unlovable. But God is love and you are his creation and He came all the way to earth to live, die, and come back to life just so you would know it.

This Christmas, Jesus is asking you to simply come. Come with all the ways you deem yourself unlovable. Come to the stable and see the tiny baby born for you and all creation. Come and hear the shepherds preach good news and listen to the angels tell with exuberant joy - a Savior has been born.

Come.

No matter what has happened, no matter what has been lost or marred or broken or destroyed. Come and see the one who is making all things new. The one who loves you in all your hardest places.

Don’t let whatever you carry get in the way of coming to Jesus.

Come.

Let this Christmas be the year you come to Jesus. No more hiding or shame, proving or earning. Let it be the year you allow God’s perfect love to seep into every place you believe is unlovable.

May this Christmas be the Christmas that you finally allow yourself to melt into the loving arms of the everlasting Father. Come and see the new thing God is doing through His son by His Holy Spirit. Come and receive the love that cannot be earned. It can only be given. It is love that seems impossible but is actually impossibly true.

Come and “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Ephesians 3:18) and allow Him to transform you.