When Your Kid Asks: "Why Doesn't God Just Take This Away?”
My kids like to ask hard questions. I think most kids do. With everything that has happened over the past two years, the questions have gotten harder. The hard question they ask most frequently is “Why doesn't God just take this away? Why doesn’t he just stop it?”
They have asked it about Covid, about friends with cancer and sickness, about learning difficulties, they have stood at my bedside and asked it while I walked through chronic illness and a recent car accident. Most recently they have asked it about the invasion of Ukraine and wars in general.
Maybe your kids ask about different things. Maybe they ask this question about being neurodivergent, about feelings of self hatred or discouragement or intrusive thoughts, maybe about loss and grief or hospital stays and diagnosis', about bullying at school, divorce, or any sort of pain or fear in their life. Maybe it is about abuse they have experienced or pain in friendships and relationships.
There are a lot of opportunities to ask this question.
This question has been on rotation for most of my life and for a long time I had no answer. I have asked this question hundreds of times. Most recently when my sleep-averse children would be up in the night for years, when the endometriosis pain would cause my body to panic, or when I sat in the hospital with an IV waiting for yet another surgery. And for me, God didn’t instantly take anything away.
But slowly, over time I am starting to form an answer. It isn’t a perfect answer but this is how I am trying to talk with my children about these hard questions.
So, what do we say when our kids ask, "Why doesn't God just take this away?"
This morning, one of my kids asked the question. These days she is learning to face her biggest fear. I looked into her eyes burdened by anxiety and said, “I don’t know why God does what He does and for many things I'm not sure we will ever know.
But here is what I do know. I know that God never promised that our life would be free from fear, anxiety, or trouble. Jesus actually said we would have trouble and we know that His life was far from easy.
Instead of taking away all our troubles, He has promised that He will be with us in whatever we face. We will never be alone. God is our refuge and our strength, our ever-present help in trouble.
God is right here with you now and He is helping you. He is everywhere and His presence brings comfort.”
My daughter replied, “But He could heal me right now! Jesus healed lots of people, instantly! Doesn't He love me?”
I hugged her close and said, “Yes, Jesus did and He does love you. And we will ask that He would heal you right now. But God heals in two ways - instantly or slowly over time through the power of His presence.
I don’t know how He will answer today.
But I can make you this promise - whatever timing God chooses to heal you in, He will be here with you the whole way and I will be here too and so will Dad and many other people. You won’t be alone.”
And then we prayed and asked God to send help and open our eyes to it when it arrived. We did a grounding technique and I reminded her of the tools we have learned to manage fear and adrenaline. And then I hugged her and she went off to school. And, having to walk in the faith I just professed, I entrusted her to the God who goes with her.
The Mother in me just wanted to wrap her up in a blanket and take her home where she would be safe and close to me. But what I am learning as a parent is that rather than try and save my children, I need to show them what to do when things are difficult because, friends, there will always be difficulty.
My daugher will most likely ask the same question tomorrow morning when she feels the fear and I will say the same thing. We will pray and speak the words from the bible and we will draw on all the other good things like counselling tools and various supports we have gathered.
We cannot take all the pain and struggle away from our kids but we have the opportunity to imperfectly model what God is already doing perfectly . We can stay with them and make sure they know they are not alone. We are given the privilege of guiding their hearts and minds to the One who can truly provide comfort.
May God give you wisdom and insight to answer the hard questions. May He give you strength to speak His truth to your children. May His comforting presence be tangible and real to you and your child in this time. And may your child find refuge in God, our ever-present help in trouble.
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