Sometimes, You Have To Go Back So That You Can Go Forward

There is a strange little Greek word that only appears twice in the New Testament. It’s a word you might not have even noticed, a mere detail that John uses to describe two different events in Peter’s life.

The word is anthrakia. It means charcoal fire.

On the night Jesus was betrayed - Peter and John followed Jesus to the home of the High Priest. Forced to wait outside in the courtyard on a cold night, the servants built a fire and John notes that it was a charcoal fire - anthrakia

It was around this charcoal fire that Peter denies Jesus. And, after his denial, it was around this charcoal fire that Jesus turns and looks at Peter across the courtyard-in full knowledge of what Peter has done.

Anthrakia - a symbol of Peter’s complete and utter failure as a friend and follower. A reminder of his denial of his dearest friend and Lord.

When Jesus appears to the disciples in John 21, he makes them breakfast over a fire - a charcoal fire.

Anthrakia.

A small but significant detail in the story.

Jesus then invites Peter to sit around the charcoal fire and talk.

You can imagine Peter’s horror. Seeing the coals, smelling the smell - a smell that Peter had probably been trying to forget, a reminder of the worst night of his life. The smell that reminded him of all his weakness, failures, a smell that summoned up guilt and shame.

Around the fire, Jesus says this to Peter:

“ ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’

‘Yes, Lord,’ he said, ‘you know that I love you.’

Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’

 Again Jesus said, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’

He answered, ‘Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.’

Jesus said, ‘Take care of my sheep.’

The third time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.’

Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep….Follow me!’ “ (John 21:15-17)

Peter denied Jesus three times.

Jesus asks Peter if he loved Him three times. 

With every question and confession of love from Peter, Jesus is unravelling Peter’s denial and sin and restoring him with each confession.

Jesus restores Peter by meeting him in his story because following and knowing Jesus does not happen outside of real life. It is always within the reality of who we are. It is always within the reality of what we have done. Living out of our forgiven places is our true testimony of Jesus.

Peter was stuck in the past, he had even gone back fishing. But Jesus brings Peter back to his most true story so that Peter can move forward.

I have no doubt that this process was painful for Peter. John mentions that Peter was hurt by Jesus’ questions. It’s never easy to face what we have done.

The work of new life can be excruciatingly painful, at first. Like Aslan and Eustace, “it hurts like billy-o…”

But by restoring Peter’s past, Jesus is making a way for Peter’s future. For Peter, being made new meant going back before he could go forward.

And the same is true for you and I.

I’m sure Peter would have preferred for Jesus to just erase the memory of his denial. That would be my preference.

Going back is not easy. Not to our own failures nor the painful choices of others that affect us - choices that have left us resentful or bitter, denying them forgiveness and thus denying Jesus.

But Jesus, in his infinite knowledge, knows that moving forward means healing our past.

For Peter, every time he saw a charcoal fire he would now be reminded of his calling, of his redemption, of the mercy and grace he received.

Anthrakia is now the story he would live out of. Peter will live as one forgiven.

You might wonder what Jesus wants to heal in your past - I imagine it is whatever has come to mind while reading this. The Holy Spirit is kind like that and wants to draw you into greater freedom in Him.

Whether it seems an insignificant event or one that has been looming for years, I want to encourage you to meet Jesus around a charcoal fire and see what He has to say.

Ask for forgiveness, offer forgiveness, and confess once again that you love Jesus.

Jesus does not erase Peter’s denial but instead makes it into something beautiful. And He will do the same for you.

The things from our past that are forgiven become markers and signposts of God’s great work in our lives, And that is where you and I will minister from. Not from our strength but from our weakness. Not out of our own succeses and triumphs, but out of the grace and tender love of Jesus in our broken lives.

This is the Good News.

A story founded on grace is a healed story.

I can assure you that Jesus will be as gentle with you as He was with Peter. Shame and guilt are never from God. The Holy Spirit convicts but always provides a way forward.

We each need Jesus.

We need His forgiveness, His healing, His ability to make us new and the chance to follow again.

We need Jesus to re-evangelize parts of our hearts that have become hard.

Jesus wants to heal your past for the sake of your future.

He is inviting you to the anthrakia on the beach. To come out from underneath your shame and be healed, to receive new life, be made more into his likeness.

May you know the redemptive power of God that raises people from the dead. May you see places once dead come alive again. And may you know the love and peace of God that surpasses all knowledge and understanding.

*The work of going into your past begins with Jesus. But, I have found it helpful to walk it out with a spiritual director, a Christian counsellor (trauma informed if possible) or a safe and trusted pastor.