One Of The Best Things You Can Do For A New Mom

My oldest child turns 9 next week. It’s incredible to think that this is her last year before she hits double digits. As we approach this milestone, I have found myself wondering if her childhood had enough wonder and imagination, enough adventure and fond memories. Did we do "enough" with her youngest years?

I second guess myself with this child in particular. It was a bit of a rough start and, as a young Mom, I felt rather insecure in my own ability to be a Mom. I was constantly wondering if we were bonded enough and never quite sure if she would ever stop crying, learn how to crawl, walk, or learn to read. She never did learn to crawl, by the way. 

I naively thought that having kids would be an easy transition. I was a teacher, had done a decade of camp and youth group leadership. I liked kids and I had spent a lot of time with them.

The thing is that babies do not start off as upper elementary children. They start as newborns, a stage of childhood I had barely any experience with. The old boat was about to be rocked.

We had a beautiful healthy baby born with her eyes open. She loved to be awake which meant that she did not nap and barely slept at night. Our attempts at sleep training were unsuccessful for several years. She would not take a soother or a bottle and she would not go to sleep at other people’s homes. Other people were getting baby-sitters and we were stuck at home.

Feeling like your child is different from others can be so lonely and isolating. Other Moms were telling stories that I could not relate to and no one seemed to understand my stories. Other babies were starting to sleep for “long stretches” but not mine. Mothers whose babies napped on the normal schedules were going on outings and becoming closer while I was left out because our schedule was different.

I was scared and anxious and unable to voice what I was feeling towards motherhood.

Our daughter was not fitting into the agenda I had for “Motherhood” and I felt so lost.

On top of it all, I was struggling with postpartum anxiety. I felt like a failure. I did not understand my baby nor could I get her to do what I wanted her to do. I wanted to blend-in and just be normal but my sweet little girl was not allowing me to do it.

When my daughter was 10 weeks old, I had to leave a Sunday service because she was babbling so loudly the preacher could not concentrate. I was horrified.

As I walked out, I could see the other babies in the church sitting quietly on their parents laps - sucking on soothers, taking bottles, and not disrupting the service.

I was endlessly comparing and it was getting in the way of me being able to see my beautiful, sensitive, special, and unique child.

But God saw me and sent help.

There was an older Mom at my church named Heather. Heather was a little bit like warm sunshine. She and her husband were some of the first people to welcome us to the church and they were wonderful mentors to my husband and I. She was such a special friend to me and she loved babies. She made a point of holding our daughter every week in that wonderful warm way older mother’s know how to.

That week I left the service in failure and embarrassment, Heather held our daughter. Instead of cradling her, she sat our daughter up so she could see her eye to eye and started to talk to her. And then our daughter babbled back. Heather would respond in kind and giggle and make space for, listening intently to all our little talker had to say.

Heather was celebrating the very thing that had caused me so much embarrassment that day! She had nothing but delight for this baby that was causing me to have to change so much it hurt.

Heather loved our little baby and saw the unique gift of words our little baby had.

When my stubborn heart was being inconvenienced by all this baby asked of me, when my “stuff” was getting in the way of embracing being a Mom and the sacrifice it would entail, when all I wanted was my child to blend in - Heather found joy in all that made her stand out.

The love Heather had for our daughter gave me new eyes to see her with.

Her love for our daughter made a little path that week by week and step by step I could follow. Every week Heather would hold my daughter and remind me that my daughter’s uniqueness was to be celebrated and delighted in.

She showed me how to love my baby when I was struggling to connect. Heather taught me to keep loving my children, to stick with them and delight in what makes them unique, instead of being inconvenienced by it - even when it is hard.

That baby, now soon to be 9 years old, is a gift to me. She is growing to be a friend, as well as my daughter, she still has a lot to say and loves words. She makes me laugh every day with her creative prose.

So…what is the greatest gift you can give a new Mom? Delight in her children.

It’s tough being a Mom and especially hard when you start out. New Moms are being pushed and stretched beyond themselves. The learning curve is so steep.

Heather never told me to cherish this stage or to remember to connect with my baby. She just took the time to show me how to. She took an interest in our little baby and that was enough to pull me along in those hardest months.

You just never know which Mom might be needing a pathway forward, like Heather made for me. You might never know which Mom needs someone to guide her into accepting this new challenge of motherhood and a reminder that, though being a mother is a great sacrifice, each child is precious and important and loved.

You can give a young Mom new eyes to see her child with.

My daughter turns 9 next week and there are many stories, not told here but still true, of people who came alongside me and helped me to understand her. Perhaps I will have the opportunity to share more in the future. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, and other mothers and fathers who have journeyed with us.

I am so very thankful for all the people who have delighted in my children, who have given me courage to keep going and offered me grace as I stumbled along.

If you have a young Mom or an older Mom in your life, take some time to delight in their children. You just never know what pathway forward you might be building.