Forgiveness
There were many things I had planned for this summer - ice cream, slurpies, swimming in a lake, lying in the sun, and running my toes through green grass.
But, the one thing I hadn’t planned was to be on a forgiveness journey.
It just feels like you should not have to do certain things on your holidays.
But life is never so easy and straightforward it is?
The actions of another had hurt me. It sparked a storm of anger and pain, and it shook me deeply. For several days I was in a daze. I remember sitting on my front porch feeling all the broken pieces inside and no idea what to do.
Have you ever felt that way?
At first, I wanted to hold on to them. I wanted the person to hurt like I was. I did not want to give anyone the satisfaction of forgiveness. How could I do it when they had not even asked?
It has been said that “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
There is nothing that rots the soul quite like it.
Jesus knew this too.
Forgiveness is such a central part of God’s character that unforgiveness can only draw us away from Him, it can only create barriers between us and Him. And when we are drawn away from God, we cannot hope to love our brother and sister, neighbour, friend, and definitely not our enemies.
Unforgiveness is as old as Cain and Abel and that ended with murder. Jealousy and sibling rivalry lead to death.
And sometimes, though we might not actually murder people, we murder them in our hearts, with our words behind their back, our actions, our thoughts, and the secrecy it causes.
When we do not forgive and, instead, allow these hurts to fester in our hearts for days or years or decades, it distorts how we see the other person and we forget that they too are an image bearer. That they too should be forgiven.
Jesus told this story:
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’
Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’
Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go.
But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Mathew 18:21-35)
This parable makes me shiver just a little.
The servant owed the King a debt that he could NEVER EVER repay, some scholars say the amount is similar to 7.04 billion dollars or 200 000 years of working. This is how big our debt of sin is.
On the other hand, the servant’s fellow servant owed him a payable debt - a few months of working. It was possible that it would be returned over time.
But the first servant had not allowed the enormity of the debt he was forgiven to penetrate his own heart and this lack of recognition meant that he was not able to show someone else mercy. He had taken the forgiveness of the King for granted.
And this ungratefulness and lack of humilty distorted his view of his fellow servant.
Knowing our own need for forgiveness is what leads us to forgive others. We have not been appointed judge over our fellow human because not one of us are perfect, not even close, not me, and not you.
Even if you have tried to work it out with the person who hurt you and they are unwilling, you still have to forgive them for the sake of your own body, soul, and mind.
I think it is important to say this: at no point in the story does that King say that it was “okay” that the servant had racked up a debt, Neither is forgiveness saying that what happened was good and right. And it does not mean that you are required to enter back into an unhealthy relationship with someone.
Forgiveness is merely the act of taking someone off your hook and putting them on God’s. It is no longer trying to pretend you were appointed the judge. It is the act of releasing someone into God’s hands and He will do what is right.
We forgive because we have been forgiven.
We forgive because every person bears the image of God and should be treated as God has treated us.
I have to forgive because I have done things that I needed to be forgiven for and I have received grace that I did not deserve. And so have you.
And when we forget that, we risk murdering our brother or sister or strangling our fellow human over a small debt.
It is incredibly difficult to forgive and it sometimes difficult to even know where you start.
I have found these steps to be helpful:
1) Acknowledge that everyone is made in the image of God, has God given free will, and that people are allowed to make their own choices. And you release people to make their own choices - whether you agree with the choices or not.
2) Speak out forgiveness for the wrong doings - naming each area in which you felt hurt. And ask that God would place the cross of Jesus Christ between you and the offending parties - restoring a godly boundary between you and that person.
3) Ask God to show you where you need to repent and ask for forgiveness in all the ways you have sinned against that person or even in your own journey - desiring hurt or revenge towards that person. And plan to apologize for whatever God convicts you of.
4) Break off any ungodly connection that exists between you and that person. And ask that God would return to you what has been taken and return to them what you have taken.
5) Ask that God would place a spiritual protection around you as you deal with remaining hurt and grief that the situation has caused. And speak words of life back into your soul - words of joy, hope, and the love of Christ.
And then, every time the situation comes up you remind yourself that you have forgiven the person/people and carrying out justice is not your responsibility.
I wish I could say that this process of forgiveness will solve everything. There will most likely still be grief to deal with, sadness, disappointment, and pain. All things that can be brought to Jesus.
But the act of forgiveness will ensure that you are not swallowed up by the destructive force of unforgiveness. Forgiveness makes space for Jesus to move in and begin the healing and restoration that his life, death, resurrection, and ascension made way for.
Let us be people who forgive and who ask for forgiveness. Let us be people grateful for the mercy of the King and offer it to others. Let us walk in a different way. The way of Jesus.